"I am afraid of the pain of dying," [Roland] said. "I have been wounded before...I can recall the agony of it, and I don't wish to endure it again.
"But I feared more the death of others. I did not want to lose them, and I worried about them while they were alive. Sometimes, I think that I concerned myself so much with the possibility of their loss that I never truly took pleasure in the fact of their existence."